My life and my pictured-poetry

2010-08-12T06:43:00.000-07:00

hehehe. i am the great pretender. i hide my emotions and feelings from ppl who dont know me, or see my pain, or feel my agony. after all, i have masked myself in a desperate attempt to forget, to regret, never to remember. oh well.

on tuesday, i had a play, december rains, and on the same day had council games. walau, i knew that the games wud be boring so i pon...obviously. LOL. then i went pizzahut with nic, kris, cynthia, zw, thia, hannah, dora, cass, yea tats abt it. then after eating, we went to schl to go for the play. we went, and man, i felt disgraced. our schl have practically no theatrical etiquette. -.- after every song, clap...-.- gasps. and talk so loudly that ppl video us...omg go stomp see if got our schl LOL. yea then went home.

today, had to stay back for sec 4 interclass, it was a wreck but whatever...still abit disappointed and sad that i could not find black ops pschology books at the library but oh well...yea

so now for poetry. depressing. after all i've been thru.. hais

Falling Apart

i'm not in the right state of mind
problems exist and continues to find
me; to haunt
they taunt
consume me

my hopes slowly vanish
i stand alone
trying to fight it all on my own
but i aren't succeeding
its too much for me to bear
causing me to stumble
and slowly i crumble
and fall

every blow to the mind
another wound too deep to heal
every scar left behind
forever there to feel

in tremendous pain forever i'll be caught
never to escae the cage that i'm from.

2010-08-10T09:34:00.000-07:00

HAIS
today super fail. my school has no sense of shame, no respect, no theatrical etiquette and no nothing. omg, my schl fail. they go to a play and own the floor..-.- literally, they made so much noise, i start to wonder, is the play the main attraction..-.- tmr confrm kena scolding and well, theres this bastard videoing us, i think he intends to complain...what can i say.-.-

anyway, today i wont post anything or rather i wont post any poems, coz, today, im tired to post. so i will post another day soon, till then...bye

still trying to forget.
still trying to forsake.
no time for regrets
its all for your sake.

it might hurt, but who am i to judge.
you are the queen and a am
the pawn, insignificant......

( this is NOT a poem)...

2010-08-09T10:48:00.000-07:00

Fallen apart.
i have officially, died emotionally. i'm sorry to implicate u but yea. goodbye, i need to reboot my brain, and reformat the hard drive. good bye, good bye, i'm serious this time. i need my space and i want u to have ur time. so all the best. i'll just sit at the side, suffering. sorry.

ok, guys, whoever bothers to read these poems, do whatever u want.

Today is my my last day

atmosphere black
anger, rage, sadness
in line with a crack
an underlying shatter

awaiting death
is the self that
i once held dear
awaiting rebirth

slowly but surely
my life falls apart
slowly but surely
the skies getting dark

tomorrow will never come
for i might not get pass today

Depression

i'm not in the right frame of mind
problems exist and continues to find
me; to haunt
they taunt
consume me

my hopes slowly vanish
i stand alone
trying to fight it all on my own
but i aren't succeeding
its too much for me
too much to bear
causing me to stumble
to crumble
to fall

every blow to the mind
another wound too deep
to heal; every scar left behind
forever there, i'll feel

in tremendous pain, forever i'll be caught
never to escape the cage that i'm from

failure to love

all these tears that i shed for you
are genuinely true
should have known that
i never meant a thing to you

why did i fantasize
or put on a disguise
for you
if i never meant it to be true

so girl i'm leaving
dont wanna be in your way
go do what you've rather do
cause i know that i shouldnt stay

so now i say goodbye
i know i shouldn't cry
but i was just too deep in love
and now i'm falling from the skies above.

2010-08-07T18:56:00.000-07:00

HEllo all, today, i have donned another new mask. for you FOR YOU. yea, i have put on another mask, a happy one. i might not be happy but for u, i would do anything. never knew i could hurt like this. but well, ok la. i'm like in a mask of happiness. so yea. cheers :)

yesterday, i took a pic of some trees but wow, oh wow, i edited it a little and look what i've got :)

hehe, so yea heres todays picture poem :)

Lady in the red cheong sam

Lady in the red cheong sam

Staring at me

Across the street

Laughing so meekly

Elegant; beautiful

Lady in red

Every mans desire

Dream her to bed

Lady in the red cheong sam

Man have longed for since time began

Allured by your beauty

They all go insane

Losing control, they all flock to you

Like bears are to honey

And ants are to sweets

Lady in the red cheong sam

You dominate

The millions of men

Who are heels over head

For you

So lady in red, what would you do?

Who would you choose

2010-08-07T02:53:00.000-07:00

sometimes, love is just one word too big to carry and one word to small to fall on. and after all, it flies, from time to time, so hard to catch, so hard to find, so hais, oh well, who am i? to be the one for u?...

with nothing to fall back on
my dreams were crushed
your words were harsh
leaving me to cry alone

i've thought the best
the worst; the first
to love, to live, to die
but foolish was i a man forlorn
alone i was forgotten
by the one i loved whom i would give all
but fast was i to take the fall

how can i overcome the pain inside
alone i stood, alone i died.

2010-08-06T18:34:00.000-07:00

alive, alive, praise the lord i'm alive LOL
it sure was tiring, oh and if you didnt know by now, i am back from obs. tired and worn out but still better than before. it was awesome and fun, oh and hyper awesome. :) kayaking height activities, treckking with a 15 kg backpack, it can really tear you down, but who cares, it is so so so awesome, the instructors were far btr than anyone i have encountered. the people there were close, strong, bonded. the challenges, tough but still, together, nothing is impossible. :)
when life gives you lemons, make lemonade out of it. :)

during the camp, i was desperate to rtn, desperate to reunite with my phone. or rather with that person, J. , ( inside joke ) and well, when i rtn, i did, it was like finally, back to technology, back to reality ( the happier kind ) and well, talked for 6 hrs straight, so it was like awesome of the awesome, of the awesome. and just if u ever read this, you know that i'll wait for the world to end and the pigs to fly, and the sun to rise from the north :)

ok so at pulau ubin, i wrote some short interesting poems, to make up for lost time, i'll post 2 or 3 at one go this time :) enjoy :)

LONGING

yes i miss you
i wont deny
i think of you
both day and night

your voice
your smile
and everything else
i cannot seem to let go

although now we are
nothing more than freinds
i will seize every chance
to be your man

hey good friend, best friend or soon to be
in a relationship, i hope to see

BONDS

through trails and tabulations
our ties grow stronger
with bigger expectations
a greater desire

our bonds grow stronger
our friendships lasting
our ties now closer
and we are de-masking

we would build on
the times that we shared
and the times we had won
or the times we have failed

because through trails and tabulations
we have a greater desire.

FAREWELL

goodbye beautiful
i might not return
to look upon you again

i take my last photos
and whisper goodbye
but you can be sure
i'll never forget a moment

i stare at your 'features'
the underlying beauty
covered by the mask that you don

goodbye
goodbye
goodbye

repulsive at sight
but alluring in time
i never knew why i came
till now (beautiful)

goodbye beautiful
island of green
scenic, warm and free
natures alluring scene
pulau ubin.

yep thats all folks, talk to "you" later

2010-07-31T16:13:00.000-07:00

Ow it hurts..it really does. i'm being shredded into pieces. never did i love someone, with all my heart and she just broke me apart. illusion'ised by her beauty and falling for her again. the past repeated but it is all too late to revert to love and to you. now you have grown, fine and mature, now you have grown into 'venus'. you now lead a life full of joy, and your man, would stick with you to the end. all the best friend, i say with remorse. all the best, i'm sorry for taking your time.
ow...it hurts........

ok erm hey, all was well yesterday, i guess. went to fop. even though i kena pangsei by cheee and tham. nvm, then went with fad..LOL..saw an old friend, whom i loved. and then fell apart. so now, well, it hurts. yea. ok below is a poem. i guess it could describe how i felt.

who am i? (insignificance)

who am i too love you
who am i to say a thing
i am but an ignorant fool
who never deserved a chance
from you

and i never did get it,
you are like an angel
and i perhaps the devils son
we can never be together
for i am too late.
for your love is with another

all along, my fantasies
came so overwhelmingly
illusions that gave me hope
that never meant a thing to you.

it was all a one sided love,
that never got seen through
and i am hurting here for you.

goodbye, the lover of my past.
and the love of my past.

2010-07-30T08:34:00.000-07:00

Hello again
got back several results...mostly unsatisfactory to me.. but i know i tried my best. but is it never enough....also, i feel like a failure. my basketball skills are like failing both me and my team. sometimes i wonder if i should pull out. they might be better off that way...oh well, heres a poem i wrote yesterday or 2 days ago. its called the friendship

the friendship.

what heppened to best friends forever?
or the things we did together?
dont you remember?
anything at all.

those stupid moments
and dumb situations
we never failed to
get ourselves into

but now you are leaving me
and our memories
bringing our happiness
to another home

goodbye my best friend forever
etched in my heart forever after

2010-07-27T23:16:00.000-07:00

Hello all, havent posted anything for a few days straight, sorry but well, exams were there. had some of the worst papers like chem, in which i know i wud fail and emath which i should get a agrade. oh well, lets see what happens next. Oh no OBS, i havent even packed. ....die, die, die!
ok but still even amidst all this i wud post some poem so enjoy :)

questioning the lies

sad realites and harsh truths
flawed happiness and sweetened lies
would you rather hear the sweet lie or harsh truth?
the sad reality or flawed happiness of life?
the truth hurts but that is what we need
lies might brighten the day
but it just slows tragedy's speed

is happiness real
or just another lie
are all realities cruel
is that the certain truth
uncertainty fills the room
of truth
of lies
of broken cries

we cant choose our reality
but can't we change our destiny
is that sad reality the harsh truth?
and happiness just another sweetened lie?

2010-07-23T05:49:00.000-07:00

For those who know me well enuf, u would know that i was a christian, or rather, a passionate christian, but sadly, circumstances and life and myself and alot of things caused me to backslide. but now, i'm trying my best to get back, to get back to god. to live a life for him. unfortunately, it isnt a one shot thing...so i have to do it the hardway, to do it little by little. so heres a poem, i am still trying. so all the best man, ellery !!!

All over again.

let me feel renewed
regenerate my soul
let me live once more
recarged by you
let me live a life, with you
let me see you face to face
lord i want to live for you again
like i did before
and love you forevermore

2010-07-22T06:56:00.000-07:00

Ok back, today, was fun, boredom, stupid, and fail. questionable phrase and so it seem. but everything has a reasonable explanation. i hope. today, i had fun playing volleyball with jeremiah, tiffany, vivian, matilda, zhanwui and taro, oh and samuel. and then i went to play basketball. quite fun, won a team of used to be stronger players, till, they deproved... oh well, good job team. but it was also boring, i mean like, waiting for the examiners for like 45 min. wth? also, it was stupidly sad. i wsa going to get mr yeoh to test me for oral, and then he came and said " we are quite close so, to avoid biasness, go to grace toh...." then wenfu was like sad and i was like very sad and the world came crashing down. oh well. finally fail coz i only got shit marks for oral. like 30 out of watever it is....suckish and fail..-.-/ ok, today, i got a poem, scanning my phone for a suitable pic..........found.

i await.

would it be better if i left this world

end of my time over here

would you benefit from my demise

i guess you would, my dear

you would be happier with him

thats what you say

that rocker punk

whom you play

partying with him

till both fall off your chair

drinking, dancing

intimacy

i no longer think you would care

even if i care.

i respect your decision

as much as i respect you

my objections, you turned a deaf ear

what more can i do

or what can i say

if you wont listen

my dear,

daughter

i could impose you in

locks, and chains, and cuffs

but i know your soon to be

hatred for me

if you need to go through the mill

to learn; if you need to feel hurt

to see; if you need to fall;

to realise

Go and then return

for i await your return.

end

Not the best poem, but hey i'm only human. LOL

2010-07-21T08:03:00.000-07:00

Hello, today, too tell u the truth i didnt come up with many poems, none good enuf that i feel shld be published. sorry man, i guess i might post, but still in the midst of considering. i might just post an older poem. i didnt have the time, i was at carls jr partying, more of eating, and damn, i am still full. LOL . but hey look on the bright side, i have a feel pics so i'll post them here now. :)

2010-07-20T03:17:00.000-07:00

OK hello again, ( who the hell am i saying hi to???) oh well, yea anyway, today, i was like mood swinging, not the pms kind bu well, just getting into a rage, freaking easily. something like a demon raging inside. OK and as i promised yesterday, i would post this pictured poem today, now, yea NOW so yup, here it is. :)--- btw, mind the word heritage, the poem had a different title so ea and, i took this pic myself :)

Burdened with love:

step by step

by step by

Step

he climbs up.

all so physical, straining

his back

his legs

his mind

the load he holds,

is not as simple as that

which he carries on his back

the burden of failure,

of huger in his house

his family on the line

he cannot rest

not a little bit at all

he cannot even fall

they await, they wait

for his arrival

for food on the table

step by step

by step by

Step

he climbs up

the strain worthwhile

the pain brings a smile

to him

for amidst the pain,

his family gain.

and that was all that

Mattered.

2010-07-19T05:52:00.000-07:00

now i am wondering, which should i post, a already prepared poem that has yet to be typed into the computer with a picture, or one i typed in that i love??? fine, i shall flip a coin. ok 2 heads one tail. so irs faltering falcon. ok so here it comes. rdy, rdy, rdy,m set GO

Faltering Falcon:

Faltering falcon
The wind gets stronger
So much so, he cannot fly

Faltering falcon
Growing with age
Weakening
Weakening
Falling from grace

Faltering falcon
His bright sky grows dark
His mood dampens
Lower
Lower
Lower
He goes
Till he sees the skies no more

Faltering falcon
He who fell
In the bright sky,
Night sky
Where all was well.

yup that was it. the more you read it, the more likely u wud understand it( the poem) and me at this stagnant point of time. so i wud post another poem tmr. i promise there wud be an accompaning picture :)

Alone

2010-07-18T01:48:00.000-07:00

as promised. here is the first poem.

written a long time ago at a baketball court. :)

(Roaming the streets alone in the cold)

Left alone in the dark

not a torch, nor a spark

silent screams, silent shouts

no one knows my whereabouts

not a single soul cared

all my scars are now bared

was i begging or asleep

coins so little

now i weep

some a smile

some in disgust

why a child

left covered in dust

forcing me to think this way

have i even food for the day

where are my parents

gone so long

shivering in the cold

i'm weakening

freezing, freezing

nothing on me to keep me warm

my rag shirt, or rag pants

torn, torn

everything TORN

without even the least of a cent

how do i move on

why was i even born

i stare at the city shops

the food, the love the clothes

at every avenue, bus stop

my heart weeps and mourns

jealous of many who have everything

when here i am with nothing

the world is so unfair

unfair

UNFAIR

yep thats it :)

thanks for reading and btw

that guy in the pic is dong xuan

and tag thank you.

Back to back to blogging

2010-07-18T00:34:00.000-07:00

Ok welcome back no wait, welcome back ellery.. :)
life must have sucked to introduce you back to blogging
oh well, i guess it does.
Ok now that i'm back, disclaimer ppl, this is not like my previous blog ( which died btw)
this blog is a blog for pictures and poems and life stories but more focused on:
POETRY
PICTURES
THEN LIFE STORIES
so i wud most likely post one poem per week or more, most likely more.
THEn sometimes post pictures
And other times, pictured poems.
followed by life stories.

also, hey, if by any chance any poetry lovers or i dont know picture lovers or basketball lovers are free to drop by to this blog, give me a tag. i wanna make frens.
After all, birds of a feather (should) flock together :)
so i wud post a poem and a pic later today (disclaimer though) when i say pic, i mean

PIC = random edited pics of randomness. so dont expect any pics of myself. i dun wanna scare u off man :(

so bye for now. post again later. :)